The Space I'm In

While I was in London, there was much ado about the Stone Roses reforming.  In my listening world, they were among several late 80s early 90s bands I loved, which also included the Candy Skins, who did a great version of "For What It's Worth" and had a minor hit with "Space I'm In."

Today I put on my headphones and started a mix I call "Pillar to Post," and the Candy Skins came up to make me smile and dance and, now, to think about the space I'm in.

Over the weekend, waterspots formed on the living room ceiling after I showered upstairs.  Bad.  Major bad.  Now, on Monday, I'm trying to figure out what part of my retirement savings to cash in to pay for a major bathroom repair.  I have a couch on the porch I haven't been able to find a home for, and baskets of books fill my hall since I committed to having no bookshelves in the living room. 

My house is overwhelming me.  Even more than usual.

But I kinda can't focus on the financial precipice I am on, because I am so consumed by the clearing out that must be done and maintained.   Obviously, I don't just mean boxes of stuff.  What is this space I have opened inside in the last few months, and how do I keep it from closing around the frustrations of everyday life, the slights and disappointments that inevitably are part of living in the world with, you know, OTHER PEOPLE?  How do I open to more and more newness in the midst of the dully familiar?

[now the La's are singing "There She Goes" in my happy little mix]

I did not leave the house yesterday, not for a minute.  I didn't read a book, I didn't clean off the Dining Room Table.  I didn't learn a new song on the guitar.  I took a nap on my new couch and I cleared some stuff from my DVR.  I played iPad games.  It was actually a pretty enjoyable day, but how many more days do I have to waste like this?  I don't want to open a space in my days only to fill them with more detritus.

[and now it is the Stone Roses "I Wanna Be Adored,"  but that would be another post entirely]