Carrying weight

My friend Kim, who has traveled much more of the world than I, has been following my adventures in this blog and on Facebook, and she recently gave me a way to forgive myself for the things I haven't done on this trip that I had hoped to do.  She wrote, "I like Raymond Carver on this: regret for the past is a waste of the spirit."  I keep returning to that notion that Kim shared with me, but it is difficult not to feel the weight of regret pushing up against the pleasure of discovery on this trip.

Let's take language for instance.  I studied German for many years, but I never really mastered it, though I could read it quite well.   On this trip I have met German speakers almost as much as English speakers, and I understand very little.  When speaking with Helga, I couldn't remember the simplest words, like "boat" or "river."  When she spoke slowly and directly to me, I understood her fairly well, but responding was incredibly difficult, and I realized that I picked up a tic, too:  I kept touching my finger to my lips or covering my mouth with my hand.  It was as if I had unconsciously wanted to silence myself.

Learning languages was once one of the primary goals of my education, but somewhere all of that got lost and I fell into the ease of English.  I have at many times felt like the arrogant American, expecting everyone around me to know my language.  I did attempt to learn some Norwegian phrases, like "excuse me" and "thank you," but I find myself saying "hello" instead of "god dag," and feeling too shy to try to say anything in Norwegian.

One of my favorite book titles is The Things They Carried, and I have been reflecting quite a bit on what I have brought with me in my way-too-heavy luggage.  Two shirts, one sweatshirt, a long sleeve black mock turtleneck, a vest, two pairs of pants, some lightweight sweats, underwear, two pairs of support socks and three pair of regular socks, and a fleece vest.  Maybe I could have cut out one shirt and one pair of support socks, but I'm pretty sure I will want both when I am walking around London and going to the Theatre.

Then there are the electronics.  Laptop.  iPad.  iPhone.  Cameras, chargers, battery backups, cables.  About 10 pounds, I imagine, but what is this weight, really?  A frenzy to stay connected, entertained, ensconced in my virtual nest?  I have taken a thousand photos.  I'll never show them to anyone (you can breathe a sigh of relief now)--but there I was snapping away, and I have spent several hours in this PARADISE editing them on my computer (though, admittedly, it rained all day yesterday in Paradise).

With all this documenting power, what will I carry back to Illinois?

Location:Flåm, Norway